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Devil's Revenge (2019)

Welcome to Monster Movie Madness, where we take a look at flicks and films dealing with threats and things that aren’t exactly human. Hell, most of ’em aren’t human at all—and those are the really fun ones!

Scrolling through Vudu the other day, hoping some recent addition to their horror catalog might catch my eye, I noticed a couple of new releases in there. Very new releases. It was October 5, and they’d both come out on October 1, of this year. Four days previously.


Hmm . . .
I scrolled through the list again, looking only at release dates, and found four films in there, all of which came out on October 1, 2019, straight to video-on-demand.
Hmm . . . I thought again. Four s-t-v horror flicks releasing on October 1 . . . four weekends in October . . . Hmm . . .
So this month, I’m checking out one of these films each weekend and throwing up a review. Straight to video tends to carry a negative stigma, but there might be a gem or two on the list, right?
Right?
Right! Here we go—beginning my…
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Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015)

Welcome to Monster Movie Madness, where we take a look at flicks and films dealing with threats and things that aren’t exactly human. Hell, most of ’em aren’t human at all—and those are the really fun ones!

You have your insect repellent? Good. Canteen? Okay. First aid kit? Nice. How about your pocket knife? Lighter and lighter fluid? Shotgun? Gasoline-powered weed whacker with titanium brush-cutting blades?

Excellent, ’cause we’re gonna need all that stuff as we check out Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015).


Written by Carrie Evans, Emi Mochizuki, and Christopher B. Landon
Directed by Christopher B. Landon


Warning: this review may contain spoilers.

Ron the janitor (Blake Anderson), headphones cranked and mop-dancing his way around Biotine Labs after hours, makes a stop in the big room where Peter (Theo Kypri) is still hard at work, burning the Bunsen burner at both ends.

“Hey, man, mind if I mop?” Ron says. “I can come back later . . .”

“Go ahead. Just don’t touch anything.” Pet…

Splinter (2008)

Recently, I watched the documentary 50 Best Horror Movies You’ve Never Seen (2014) on Tubi, and realized I already had a review for one of them. Just in case it is a horror movie you’ve never seen, here’s my review. Spoiler: I liked it. A lot.

Welcome to Monster Movie Madness, where we take a look at flicks and films dealing with threats and things that aren’t exactly human. Hell, most of ’em aren’t human at all—and those are the really fun ones!

Sharp things. Pointy things. Sharp and pointy things. We see plenty of sharp and pointy things in horror movies, from the slasher’s knives to the werewolf’s claws to the vampire’s fangs—but what about something that’s all sharp, all pointy, all the time? Sound like fun? Let’s find out. Go rummage through the first-aid kit for the tweezers and Mercurochrome—oh, and see if you can’t find a flamethrower in there—as we get ready to extract a Splinter (2008).
Written by Ian Shore and Kai Barry
Directed by Toby Wilkins

Warning: this review may contain …

Annabelle Comes Home (2019)

On June 22, Salem Horror Fest held a midnight showing (actually, 11 p.m. Saturday to 1 a.m. Sunday, but it played across midnight, so it counts) of the newest movie in the Conjuring universe: Annabelle Comes Home (2019),at Cinema Salem, in Salem, Massachusetts. Being forewarned, I took a little nap when I got out of work (don’t scoff. I’m fifty now, and I did work that day, and I just wanted to make sure I could make it through the whole thing, even if it sucked), and was in line early to make sure I got a seat. I got one next to a pair of young gentlemen, one of whom was a horror aficionado (at least according to their pre-Annabelle conversation, which I couldn’t help overhearing), while the other was not. It was the not who turned out to be the more interesting to me. You see, once the lights dimmed and the film started, he seemed unable to stop talking to the screen. He tried very hard to be unobtrusive about it, smothering himself behind at least one hand and whispering, but in the …

Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan (2013)

Author's Note:
This was the first review I ever wrote for Cinema Knife Fight, published back in 2015. The exact publication date was lost along with the site itself (see the About page for the fuller story), but I believe it was in March. It's a little long, but hey, I was learning. I'm using it as my first post again mostly so I can look at it and saw "Awww . . ."


~~**~~


AXE GIANT: THE WRATH OF PAUL BUNYAN (2013)
(Warning: there are spoilers in this review.)

Gary Jones, Jason Ancona and Jeff Miller took the beloved story of Paul Bunyan, an American tall tale about the helpful giant lumberjack who accidentally made the Grand Canyon and—whoops!—stumbled one day to make the Great Lakes, and rewrote him as a savage, vengeful, titanesque idiot, and then handed the whole thing to Gary Jones to direct.

What could go wrong?

If you’ve ever seen a horror movie from the ’80s then you’ll probably recognize the setup: a bunch of young city-folk heading off into the woods, far f…